Tabs or Tabata?

Baffled boffins from PEPAC Science Department can’t decide which is better for smoking expert Principal Smith – fags or high-intensity physical exercise.

And ONE HAS TO GO, vowed Principal Smith today from his Smoking Training Camp at PEPAC Thailand offices in Bangkok.

“My smoking regime is specialized and sensitive - but I blow it with shameful orgies of high-intensity interval training,” admits the angst-ridden roll-up merchant: “It’s insulting to myself and all the work I’ve put in with complex carcinogens over the years.”

Would-be warrior and champion chugger Smith recently hit provincial headlines by renouncing his Moreton-in-Minge heritage and cockily claiming to be a countryman of kick-boxing Thailand.

But now all eyes are on how the tar-taming Fag-Meister deals with a potentially fatal body blow to his career in compulsive nicotine ingestion.

Kick-boxing “Tabata” is a concentrated form of exercise cooked up by slitty-eyed scientists from abroad to deliver a dangerous dose of stimulation. Martial-art junkies on the street – where Tabata has ended up - think it’s cool. But Smith targets trendy Tabata as an Asian Axe-wound in the side of his smoking programme.

“That Tabata shit FUBARs my smoking like you wouldn't believe.” Says Smith.

With smoking proven by PEPAC scientists to balance Kinespheric Chakra Auras and improve all fighting skills, it is unlikely that Smith, 20 year-pro of the smoking circuit, will be torn from his tabs any time soon.

“Colourful computer graphics have proven the clear health benefits of smoking. There is too the known-to-be-totally-proven fact that smoking offers a great example to children and impressionable minions.” Says Smith. “On the other hand, everybody thinks Tabata is cool, and we’ve all had a moment of thinking that. But, To Tabata, Just Say No.”

Principal Smith believes the brutal cage contest in his head between tabs and Tabata will be decided when he faces his debut amateur smoking bout.

“I will know 30 seconds into the first round whether I should have faced my demons and given up Tabata.” Warns Smith.