Mow Down Met

London Police Chiefs to shoot dead own officers who make arrests

Following the news today that a police marksman has been summarily arrested for shooting dead a suspect, the Met has announced that in future any officer found to have arrested a suspect will be summarily shot dead himself by other officers, who will themselves then be arrested by any other policemen still alive or out of jail.

(In line with police tradition, the new policy discounts female police officers altogether.)

"We are not sure that we have any marksmen left outside of custody to carry out the mass shootings we anticipate," a senior officer said in a press conference, "but this new policy is certainly in line with our cretinous strategy of ruining the lives of our own people for doing precisely what they're told. In this we have taken our cue from the British Army.”

Asked by one incredulous journalist whether the Met had spotted the potential for an "immediate and exponential explosion of arrests and killings", the senior officer replied, "look, there is one thing the Police certainly don't do - and that's 'immediate.'  As for "exponential", that sounds like maths, so you'll have to ask the Numbers & Counting Officer at your local Nick.  And as for "explosion", that identifies you as a terrorist, which means you will be nicked.  But not by me."

A resigned-looking representative from the police workers union revealed that the arrest-and-die policy would "make fuck all difference to morale" because "police morale dived irretrievably with the Equality Act of 2010 and flatlined altogether a week ago when they said our tasers couldn't be made to look more like lightsabers in line with the new Star Wars film."

Police Overtime Leak

click the pic to see it properly

Wankered John plea: "Leave the Police alone"

It is all too easy to lambast the Police.  But making generalisations about any group is dangerous, particularly when that group is authorised to carry batons.  

But batons are not the point.  The point is that the need to condemn, to pass judgement, on any civic body is - although understandable - indicative of insecurity on the part of the condemner.

A friend once told me, "look to thine own shit before you hassle me about mine."  

And he was right.

Leave the Police alone.  They are the necessary enforcement adjunct of most forms of government.  They often deserve criticism.  But they often deserve praise.

Get your own shit together and you won't feel that you need to strike out (often unfairly) at a force you perceive to be more powerful than yourself.

OPERATION "PROBABLY"

Its not difficult to tell where the "real" journalism ends and the FITH Take on this story begins.  

But both Interpol & the Guardian deserve a kicking here for using the word "probably" in relation to anything involving massive loss of human life.  Get a grip.

Plane search shifts to Malacca Strait

LIVE Interpol says disappearance probably not linked to terrorism amid psychological probe into background of passengers and crew

A spokesman from lead psychological consultants PEPAC Probe! of Louisiana, US, said, "we probably went with some profiling bullshit we picked up off Silence of the Lambs and threw in some ten-dollar words for good measure - but hell, for all we know, someone took a 5-day shit in this aeroplane and put a hole the size of a 'gator through the fuselage."

Interpol confirmed that Operation Probably would continue to rely on the indolent speculation of overpaid retards from America's least-favoured state.  A spokesman said, "this is probably less work than going on Woogle* to see if anybody has found the plane, which is what we thought of first.  We have suggested that other people look in the area of the "Malacca Strait" because we know for a fact that this is not actually a place, but a cocktail they do in Barcelona."

* Web + Google = "Woogle"