PEPAC Recruit Reception Staff

PEPAC - Back to Core Offering

“Careless & over-complicated PowerPoint never goes out of style.” Boasted PEPAC Principal J. Smith today after wowing executives from the Moreton-in-Minge Garage Owners Association with “PEPAC’s trademark blend of flashy bollocks onscreen and tireless fawning offscreen.”

During PEPAC’s onscreen show & facilitation session, many executives visibly managed to stave off sleep for sustained periods — and some even claimed to understand what they were being shown.

“That’s a blinding success as far as we are concerned.” Crowed Principal Smith.

And audience members agreed. “Usually somebody resigns at this point, but nobody did.” Said one bleary-eyed participant.  “I’d almost say we’d aspire to have that sort of PowerPoint, but I’m not sure “aspire” is one of our brand actions.”

PEPAC Blunders Again

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PEPAC Stands Firm After Love Rat Shock

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Happy Christmas from PEPAC - The Provincial Emergency Powerpoint Adjustment Centre!

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What Your Cat Is Trying To Tell You ...

Wankered John plea: "Leave the Police alone"

It is all too easy to lambast the Police.  But making generalisations about any group is dangerous, particularly when that group is authorised to carry batons.  

But batons are not the point.  The point is that the need to condemn, to pass judgement, on any civic body is - although understandable - indicative of insecurity on the part of the condemner.

A friend once told me, "look to thine own shit before you hassle me about mine."  

And he was right.

Leave the Police alone.  They are the necessary enforcement adjunct of most forms of government.  They often deserve criticism.  But they often deserve praise.

Get your own shit together and you won't feel that you need to strike out (often unfairly) at a force you perceive to be more powerful than yourself.

OPERATION "PROBABLY"

Its not difficult to tell where the "real" journalism ends and the FITH Take on this story begins.  

But both Interpol & the Guardian deserve a kicking here for using the word "probably" in relation to anything involving massive loss of human life.  Get a grip.

Plane search shifts to Malacca Strait

LIVE Interpol says disappearance probably not linked to terrorism amid psychological probe into background of passengers and crew

A spokesman from lead psychological consultants PEPAC Probe! of Louisiana, US, said, "we probably went with some profiling bullshit we picked up off Silence of the Lambs and threw in some ten-dollar words for good measure - but hell, for all we know, someone took a 5-day shit in this aeroplane and put a hole the size of a 'gator through the fuselage."

Interpol confirmed that Operation Probably would continue to rely on the indolent speculation of overpaid retards from America's least-favoured state.  A spokesman said, "this is probably less work than going on Woogle* to see if anybody has found the plane, which is what we thought of first.  We have suggested that other people look in the area of the "Malacca Strait" because we know for a fact that this is not actually a place, but a cocktail they do in Barcelona."

* Web + Google = "Woogle"

PEPAC Rival RORCO Reveals New Logo

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Tabs or Tabata?

Baffled boffins from PEPAC Science Department can’t decide which is better for smoking expert Principal Smith – fags or high-intensity physical exercise.

And ONE HAS TO GO, vowed Principal Smith today from his Smoking Training Camp at PEPAC Thailand offices in Bangkok.

“My smoking regime is specialized and sensitive - but I blow it with shameful orgies of high-intensity interval training,” admits the angst-ridden roll-up merchant: “It’s insulting to myself and all the work I’ve put in with complex carcinogens over the years.”

Would-be warrior and champion chugger Smith recently hit provincial headlines by renouncing his Moreton-in-Minge heritage and cockily claiming to be a countryman of kick-boxing Thailand.

But now all eyes are on how the tar-taming Fag-Meister deals with a potentially fatal body blow to his career in compulsive nicotine ingestion.

Kick-boxing “Tabata” is a concentrated form of exercise cooked up by slitty-eyed scientists from abroad to deliver a dangerous dose of stimulation. Martial-art junkies on the street – where Tabata has ended up - think it’s cool. But Smith targets trendy Tabata as an Asian Axe-wound in the side of his smoking programme.

“That Tabata shit FUBARs my smoking like you wouldn't believe.” Says Smith.

With smoking proven by PEPAC scientists to balance Kinespheric Chakra Auras and improve all fighting skills, it is unlikely that Smith, 20 year-pro of the smoking circuit, will be torn from his tabs any time soon.

“Colourful computer graphics have proven the clear health benefits of smoking. There is too the known-to-be-totally-proven fact that smoking offers a great example to children and impressionable minions.” Says Smith. “On the other hand, everybody thinks Tabata is cool, and we’ve all had a moment of thinking that. But, To Tabata, Just Say No.”

Principal Smith believes the brutal cage contest in his head between tabs and Tabata will be decided when he faces his debut amateur smoking bout.

“I will know 30 seconds into the first round whether I should have faced my demons and given up Tabata.” Warns Smith.