Monday, February 10, 2020

Devious Diggers Demand ISIS Bounty

Members of The Association of Reluctant Groundworkers (ARG!) have staked a claim to a UK government reward for information on terror activity.

The sharp-eyed shovellers say they have unearthed a dedicated ISIS fibre optic line whilst excavating outside a suburban house in provincial Milton Keynes.

An ARG! spokesman said, “we know it is a ISIS cable because it is red, which is the colour for danger. Also, the people in the house denied everything when we questioned them at spade-point, which is what you’d expect from terrorists.”


But bods from the Electricity Board say the “ISIS terror feed” is actually a standard 16mm Basec-approved armoured mains cable with "millions of homes having them."

And angry Health & Safety officials have slammed “dangerous working conditions” at the ARG! site: 

"We asked one lackey what he thought of ‘Safety First’– and he replied that he’d never heard them, but maybe his daughter had them 'on her MP5 thing'."

"And as for the ruptured gas main pictured – it was described to us as a 'fucked nuclear power socket' which was acceptable, we were assured, because ‘everybody knows nuclear is safe energy, even if it does come from France’.”

In response to the criticism, ARG! has announced an indefinite national strike to run concurrently with its other indefinite national strike announced on Monday (in response to it being “a bit cold”).

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