London Police Chiefs to shoot dead own officers who make arrests
Following the
news today that a police marksman has been summarily arrested for shooting dead a suspect, the
Met has announced that in future any officer found to have arrested a suspect
will be summarily shot dead himself by other officers, who will themselves then be arrested by any other policemen still alive or out of jail.
(In line with police tradition, the new policy discounts female police officers altogether.)
(In line with police tradition, the new policy discounts female police officers altogether.)
"We are
not sure that we have any marksmen left outside of custody to carry out the
mass shootings we anticipate," a senior officer said in a press conference, "but this new
policy is certainly in line with our cretinous strategy of ruining the lives of
our own people for doing precisely what they're told. In this we have
taken our cue from the British Army.”
Asked by one incredulous journalist whether the Met had spotted the potential for an "immediate and exponential explosion of arrests and killings", the senior officer replied, "look, there is one thing the Police certainly don't do - and that's 'immediate.' As for "exponential", that sounds like maths, so you'll have to ask the Numbers & Counting Officer at your local Nick. And as for "explosion", that identifies you as a terrorist, which means you will be nicked. But not by me."
Asked by one incredulous journalist whether the Met had spotted the potential for an "immediate and exponential explosion of arrests and killings", the senior officer replied, "look, there is one thing the Police certainly don't do - and that's 'immediate.' As for "exponential", that sounds like maths, so you'll have to ask the Numbers & Counting Officer at your local Nick. And as for "explosion", that identifies you as a terrorist, which means you will be nicked. But not by me."
That's not entirly unlikely, thanks.
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